habits can be changed

Focusing on the Good

  I have this bad habit, sometimes, of focusing on the wrong stuff in my life.

But habits can be changed. That's the good news.


It takes work, though. Like REAL work. Effort. Intention. Persistence. And all of that requires tools and support.

That's why I have a coach. Because this bad habit called misdirected focus finds me concentrating on the wrong stuff. Seeing the bad. Dwelling on the negative. Whatever you want to call it, that's what I do. That's my vice, since I have given up virtually all the others.

Why does this happen? Why do we do this? It seems to be a pretty common thing, I'm finding, as I hang out with friends and clients. As I peruse facebook, I see that we seem to like to fixate on that one person (or people), the one body part, the size of our house, our paycheck--the things that make us feel wrong, inadequate or imperfect.

We focus on those things and completely forget about all the good things we do have--the abundance all around us. No matter how many times I've talked about it, I still fall back to the same bad habit. And then I realized something today, and it changed my whole attitude about it.

1) I'm halfway there: Focusing on what needs work (a.k.a. isn't perfect) or what doesn't feel right or good is a sign that I want better--for myself and for others. I want to have an impact that helps me and others move forward in some way. I am still working on exactly what that means, but I have a goal. I have a vision. I am driven from the inside to effect positive change and evolution. Awesome, Dillan! That's great news. But it's only great when I'm feeling great about it. When I use that vision to improve things or myself and I end up feeling rotten, hopeless and discouraged I end up helping no one. In fact, I have the opposite effect. I swirl down the drain of despair

2) it always feels so much better when I climb out: If you do this, too, you know the horrible, gross feeling of being down, depressed and hopeless. It's like, horrible. It sucks, big time. Each time I go to that place and fixate on someone who dumps their crap on me or an email I forgot to send or some body part that isn't chiseled to perfection and I think to myself, oh my god. This is the worst day of my life. I can't even imagine spending another day or even a minute feeling like this. But then, I focus on something good--usually because my coach gives me a good ass-kicking, reminds me of what I already know and gets me back on track.

And there is nothing, I mean nothing, better than pulling myself out of the slump. It's up there with ice cream and ponies and a good home-cooked meal.

How do I do this?

I focus on the good. I redirect away from what's wrong, what isn't working or what feels imperfect and I think about someone I love. I make a phone call. I count my blessings. I eat some greens. I simply choose to change my focus.

Next time you find yourself forgetting to focus on the good just remember: it's a habit. And habits can be changed.

Can you relate to this?

What is one thing you can remember to be grateful for the next time you find you're focusing on the wrong stuff?