How Not To Get Stuck

There have been many things I've overcome in my life. I've overcome an eating disorder.

I've overcome the divorce of my parents.

I've overcome my first broken heart.

I even threw myself off a 40 foot tower to ride a zipline. I have a fear of heights, so this was a biggie. It helped that there was a harness attached to my hips.

Overcoming adversity, fears and tough situations takes courage to push forward when we feel stuck.


But still, I get stuck. Oh yes. Yes, I do.


We get stuck when we get caught up in sentences like this: "If only I _________, then I would _________."


"If that person ___________, then I would ______________."


Things like that.

And when I listen to the voice that makes those conditions, I sit and wait. When or if those conditions don't happen, I have a pity party at a table for one. I get stuck.

Much like I almost did recently when I thought I had secured this awesome opportunity for my business. I had taken all these steps and had gotten all these green lights and I was super jazzed. Things looked really good and I thought I would get to inspire some folks, have a lot of fun, and make some money. And then, things just stopped. No response. No flow. Just nothing. 

That doesn't work for me. I'll go where the love is.

Do you like that sentence? It helps me get unstuck.

"That doesn't work for me. I'll go where the love is."

I learned that at a workshop I did last year and it was scary and startling the first time I heard it. Then I tried saying it--even scarier. But it also felt good somewhere deep inside. Try saying it, yourself.

The truth is, it doesn't work for me (in my business, or in my life) when I'm trying my best and getting nowhere. It's an old pattern for me persist, anyway. I'm doing work so I change that old pattern and instead focus on where the green lights are shining down on me, where the love is. Because they are there. There are greens lights of opportunity all around each of us.

All green traffic light

Want to know how NOT to get stuck? Focus on the green lights. Focus on the opportunities in your life where people are open, honest, kind and work with you. Where things flow. I tend to become a little bit like a hamster who gets trapped in a corner of the room not realizing that all I have to do is turn around and head in any number of directions to "free" myself.



Don't get stopped when you come up against experiences like this.

Don't get stopped by someone else limiting you or themselves.

Don't get stopped because you focus so much on the wrong thing that you make 10 other right things sit waiting, patiently, with their arms folded across their chests.


Get out there and try. When you come up against some resistance, give it another go or two and then ask yourself if you're being tenacious or if you're stuck in a corner again.

Update from Emily and Jillian, Lesley University Rockstar Interns!

Emily Scolaro: My update: the only word that can I use to describe this experience this far is unreal.  I choose unreal because it is exactly that.  How many people get the opportunity to intern and learn from such an amazing person in their undergrad?  Not many!
Throughout this journey I have learned skills and gained knowledge that I could not have gotten from just reading a book, or going to a class.  Working with Dillan on a weekly basis has opened my eyes to a variety of opportunities. Engaging in a professional environment has made me become more self-aware.  I have learned how to place limits in certain aspects of my life, which has helped with my overall health; mentally, emotionally, and physically. The constant feedback of positive affirmation and constructive criticism from Dillan has driven me to be more passionate about everything I’m learning. I can see my future more clearly now and I’m hoping that one day I will be in a job where I feel so inspired and self motivated.

Dillan encouraged Jillian and I to attend a talk that was held by the Integrative Health Collaborative of Boston. They were hosting “an evening of networking with integrative health colleagues and a presentation from Dr. Darshan Mehta.” He talked about mindfulness as a tool for healing and staying healthy and how practitioners at the Benson-Henry Institute use and teach mindfulness as a treatment strategy.  After seeing his presentation I was in awe, mostly because I could not understand a good portion of the words he was saying.  Aside from that, the networking and knowledge I gained was amazing.  Jillian and I were probably the youngest people there, but we were treated as if we were just as equal as everyone else (whether one was a doctor, medical student, pharmacist, cook, health coach, etc.).  I felt honored to be at this amazing place, with a breathtaking view of Boston, and have remarkable people with common interests around me.  The networking aspect of the whole journey was probably the most beneficial.  I saw how Dillan advocated for herself and for her business, listened to others and what they had to offer, and could gage where to place her energy and focused attention.  This is one of the moments that I will look back at this internship and remember the impact it had on me.
I plan on continuing my internship in the spring so that we can proceed with some amazing ideas that we are developing.

Jillian Clarke:

Holistic psychology has always been a passion of mine, even before I knew it actually had a name. As a sophomore I have dove deeper into the field of holistic psychology and holistic living has become such an important part of my life.  Interning with Dillan has been one of the major catalysts for this love and passion.  This semester with Dillan has not only been an amazing work experience, but has also been changing my life for the better.
Working with Dillan has most definitely added to the primary foods of my life, particularly in the aspects of my career, relationships and spirituality.  Each week that we meet I have learned more and more about myself (I feel blessed to be able to do so much self-care at an internship!).  One of the experiences with Savor Your Existence that has helped my self-care progression was teaching a class at Lesley College with Dillan and Emily.  I spoke about the daily hardship of cravings and the correlation to primary food.  Being able to share my personal experiences with my peers was such a liberating feeling for me.  I was able to share my hardships and teach my peers how to cope with theirs as well.  I learned a lot about myself that day; the most important lesson was that I learned how well I was actually doing in my own life.   Learning about issues such as cravings, holistically, has strengthened my self-awareness and mindfulness.
I am so grateful for this amazing opportunity to work with Dillan this semester.  I am planning to keep working with this extraordinary person and keep broadening my horizons.


Lesley Love and a HUGE inspiring kick in the butt!

So the post for today is short but REALLY sweet! I have to send huge love and thanks to my pals at Lesley University: Sue, Michele and Jan. You all are amazing rockstars who have provided me with tremendous opportunities to share my skills and passion for health coaching with the people closest to you in your work environment. Thank you for adding to the ripple effect!

SHOUT-OUT to the students in Jan's class (email me and keep in touch) and the great folks who attended my workshops on Staff Development Day and Eco-Week!

And please, please read this email I received from one of my beautiful clients, Trish. I asked for her permission to share this incredible message I received from her yesterday. She moved me to tears.

READ and SHARE IT with people you love and tell them to do the thing they think they cannot do.

Dear Dillan,

I know I'll see you tomorrow but thought I'd share a cool experience from the weekend.  After 4 years and 2 failed attempts at trying out for another league, I am so excited about having skated in my first roller derby bout on Saturday.  I'm still glowing about it, and even though we lost, the day as a whole was the most amazing thing.  I tend to feel like things conspire against me to make it so that things I really want (or at least think I want) don't happen, and so I spent a lot of time worrying about what might happen that would take this goal away from me.  Was I going to trip over something at home and hurt myself and not able to skate?  Was I going to get sick so I wasn't at my best?  You get the idea.  Saturday came, I got up early and put some songs together on my iPod to listen to on the way to the bout.  After a nice breakfast with my team, we went off to the arena.  I won't be able to express it well, but the feeling I got when walking out onto the floor of the (then empty) arena was incredible.  It was huge, it was awesome and most importantly, I was going to skate!  The long story short is that I had about 20 people who came to watch me (out of a crowd of about 1200) and I felt such amazing love and support from them all.  Our team lost in overtime, but I couldn't have been happier. I have a ton to still work on, but no matter what happens in the rest of my life, I can say that I persevered and DID IT.

So yesterday, as I was watching runners after they finished the marathon (I work in the Back Bay) I thought about all the hard work and training they had put in as well, and while I didn't run a literal marathon, I ran a marathon of my own.  I didn't give up.  I kept at it, and I reached a goal.  It felt awesome and I hoped those runners were feeling the same way.

Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow! Trish